Faith.

Faith is my middle child. She was born exactly 13 months after her sister, Brooke and a definite suprise! (No I didn't plan on having 3 kids right in a row!)

When we found out we were having another girl, I was surprised and delighted! I honestly thought I was pregnant with a boy (and I knew I wanted to name him Gabriel). The thought of having a little sister for Brooke was exciting, though, and we started thinking about names. Shaun and I, since we were young, both wanted to have a girl named Brooke! So once we had our first daughter, and named her Brooke, we could not decide on another girls name. She was actually almost named Summer or Makayla (Kaylie), but we just could not reach a conclusion! I was praying about it one morning before work and really felt like the name "Faith Elisabeth" was to be given to the little baby inside me. A few months later, when we welcomed our little Faith into this world, with a head-full of black hair and brown eyes just like her daddy, we couldn't have been happier.

Faith obviously means belief in trust in something (in our case, God). I remember sitting at the computer when Faith was just a few weeks old. I was typing an email and at that moment I felt a very strong sense in my heart that Faith had been given her name not just by accident or coincidence, but for a reason. That there was going to be a situation in my life that would require a strong amount of faith and that I would need to be reminded to keep holding onto my faith, and not to lose it, no matter what. And Faith would be that reminder, every time I'd speak her name or look at her, I should remember to have faith.

Looking back, nearly 4 years ago, I NEVER (repeat, NEVER EVER) could have imagined the test that would come to our family. I thought I had it tough with 2 kids 13 months apart. 2 babies essentially. But then came along Gabe 14 months later, and then 3 months into his precious little life, the hospitalization and sickness that changed us all.

But I am thankful for the reminder in my precious little Faith. I do look at her and think about how she carries a message to me daily to have faith in our Heavenly Father.

Faith is the one I worry about the most as being affected by Gabe's hospitalization (aside from Gabe himself) because it was tremendously hard on her to be away from me for those 8 months. She was only 17 months old when I had to take Gabe to the hospital on Christmas Eve 2006 and I wouldn't return home with Gabe until August 2007. It is very, very painful to look at pictures or to even think back to that time frame because I know how much damage it did to the girls and their security in having their Mommy around. Faith, unlike Brooke, shut down and stopped talking and communicating with anyone. There were times we worried she was deaf or autistic, but passed her hearing tests. She seemed so frustrated and she screamed and cried and hit and bit when she was unable to communicate what she wanted. It killed me not being able to be home, but what choice did I have? None. I had to buckle down and face the fact that Gabe was stuck in the hospital fighting for his life and I HAD to be there for him. There was no choice. It was a hard price to pay for everyone involved, not just Gabe but also the girls.

When Gabe finally came home, I knew Faith needed intervention for her speech and she began receiving speech therapy in our home once a week. Once she turned 3 last July, she started speech therapy in Brooke's school also once a week (still gets that). The change in her is tremendous!! The security she now has, with her Mommy and Daddy at home, and her brother and sister at home, has done wonders. She's really blossomed and now is a very sensitive, loving, sweet, talkative, almost 4 year old. I am SOOOO thankful for the gift of our Faith Elisabeth.






Faith has also been on my mind because I've been reading in the book of John and two stories about faith in this book caught my attention. The first is in John 4:43-54 when Jesus heals the official's son.

46b "And there was a certain royal official whose son lay sick at Capernaum. 47When this man heard that Jesus had arrived in Galilee from Judea, he went to him and begged him to come and heal his son, who was close to death.

48"Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders," Jesus told him, "you will never believe."

49The royal official said, "Sir, come down before my child dies."

50Jesus replied, "You may go. Your son will live."

And the second story is in John 20:24-31, when Jesus appears to Thomas.

24"Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. 25So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."
26A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" 27Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

28Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!"

29Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Reading these two stories within a couple days of each other was a reminder to me about my faith and belief in God. Do I say that I have faith in Him, yet only truly believe if I can see his miraculous works? Isn't it greater faith to trust Him even though I can't quite see beyond the horizon of Gabe's illness?

If I could have seen 2 years into the future, when I was sitting in the hospital room with Gabe in early May 2007, wondering if Gabe was going to recover from his transplant, I could have seen that we would thankfully be home together as a family again. Gabe's transplant was successful. His lung disease no longer causes him difficulty breathing. His pulmonary hypertension no longer threatens his life. He is blessed with home care nurses who love him very much, and his family who loves him very much. My biggest concern is what to make for dinner and how I'm going to pack up for vacation. I'm thankful for perspective every now and again, even though Gabe is still on the ventilator I need to keep the faith and remember "it could always be worse."

'Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.' :)