This year has been a year of God's discipline and love in so many ways. Maybe many of you have experienced this. I don't mean a punishment but rather a heart stand to stay focused as the circumstances of life bring you to a place of deep questioning. God may not answer us the way we want, but His answer, however it comes or doesn't, must somehow be enough.
My stretching continues in this area. I want the rose garden... He prefers the dirt pile. I pray for a season of relief... He thinks another hurricane is okay. I ask for the Promised Land... He points to the wilderness. I am learning that it cannot be about what I think I need or should get. It has to be all about Him.
I read these words on the blog of Rita Springer (a Christian singer) last year and felt like those could have been the words from my very own heart. One of the greatest challenges I face as Gabe's mom - besides the usual Is the nursing coming tonight? Will Gabe get sick this week? Is all of his business tended to, meds up to date, appointments scheduled, supplies ordered? Is my world going to come crumbling down if someone lets us down because we are so dependent on so many people to help us live a quote 'normal life'? - you know, besides all that - is learning how to LIVE. How do I find joy - daily - in such difficult, uncontrollable circumstances? How do I find the faith and the strength to keep going on? How do I draw closer to the God I love so much even though I feel at times that He is so far away? How do I make Him listen to my prayers and petitions? I wish I had all the answers but believe me I have sooo many more questions than answers. I wish that I was able to write down all of my thoughts and feelings like so many other 'bloggers' do, but most of the time I don't have the words to express how I'm feeling.
Psalms 84:5-7 "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca (suffering), they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strenth, til each appears before God in Zion." Lord, May I be found to have a heart like David's. A heart set on You, and a pilgrimage with you, no matter what. You are my Strength and You lead me from Strength to Strength, Victory to Victory, You alone do wonders upon wonders. Lead me from the valleys up to the mountains of victory. I love you Lord!
Shared Struggles The Documentary
7 months ago
3 comments:
Rachel - you continue to amaze me! We are still praying for Gabe and you guys. You guys are so strong - I know that can be hard to see from your point of view (it usually is when we look at ourselves). But, God has given you guys so much strength and grace. You continue to be such an encouragement to me!
Love you guys!!!
Blessings,
Kelly
Rachel, Very poignant post! This is all so very true. One thing that I like to remember is that what we think is a dirt pile, may actually be a future rose garden--but it's only in His time. After all, all gardens start out as a pile of dirt! He makes everything beautiful in His time sweet friend...especially our piles of dirt.
Praying you have a good week!
YOu have to through the wilderness to get to the promise land.
I think it does get eaiser.
Continue to pray for strength to do this. HE WILL help you I promise. HE does hear and answer our prayers. HE is walking beside you.
Gabe is lucky you are his mom.
What helps me is praying to see HIS hand in my life. Take care.
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